Who is the most rigid person you know?
This for me is an unfortunately easy question for me… me. I am so driven by routine that stepping outside of it can be paralyzing sometimes. This is not the type of post I typically write, but I overslept this morning and besides feeling a little crazy for completely melting down over it, I am compelled to write about it.
I am quite frequently exhausted. I work out in the morning, and after school, am a full time student, cook all of my own meals, run a blog and YouTube channel and try to find time to do teenager things in all of that. This last week I have been sick or having allergies (I can’t really tell which) and have been particularly sleep deprived. Last night, I went to a lacrosse game at my school with my friends and got home at 9:00. The second I got home, I immediately started making dinner, (which was sautéed broccoli with onions and peppers, quinoa, cod and a spinach salad) and also my lunch for the next day. Needless to say, I didn’t eat dinner until 10:00. As if that’s not bad enough, I have a whole list of chores to do at night- make coffee, brush my teeth, take off my makeup, get in my pajamas, tidy my room, prep the kitchen for breakfast the next morning and so on… After all of that, I exhaustively fell into bed last night at 10:45 fully expecting to be up at 5:20 the next morning and at the gym as usual.
Instead, I woke up at 6:40 to my mom telling me I overslept and immediately I felt like I had been shot (in addition to rigid, I am also slightly melodramatic). First it was a surprise, followed by denial, followed by irritation at my own carelessness and then devastation. Quite frankly, I was about 2 minutes away from a full scale melt down because I forgot to set my alarm. Sounds silly right? It does to me now that I am about an hour removed from the situation, but at the time, I felt like the world might just end.
You see, the real problem here is that I don’t know how to go with the flow. I make my own flow. It has parameters and boundaries and I don’t dare step out of those. Life is so hectic right now that I find comfort in what I can control.
I ALWAYS go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning.
I NEVER eat carbs after 3:00 pm.
I HAVE TO wash my hair every morning.
And the list goes on (trust me its a long list). I realize as I write this that I sound slightly mental, to which I say- isn’t everyone? In my effort to be a “good kid” or a “disciplined youth” I have turned into a rigid (almost) adult- like the ones people my age make fun of.
So I guess I am writing this
a) To encourage anyone else that has problems being casual. To say that the world doesn’t end when things don’t go as planned.
*my experience this morning is living proof : )
b) To own up to my own brand of crazy LOL.
Right now. I am sitting on an exercise bike writing this on my phone. I am not going to first block today because its online and not mandatory. I’ll start my day in second block.
Shifting my schedule an hour and a half ahead is OK. Not going to the gym at all and putting my hair in a pony tail would have been OK too. I am not defined by my routine, and neither are you.
Here’s to being more fun LOL and not letting irrational fears about the unknown rule life! Here’s to being happy!
P.S. Have you seen my latest video?? Trader joes and Whole Foods Haul- check it out yo!