I am not weird. I am not socially inept. I am not controlling, demanding, or manipulative.
I am single. I do not have a boyfriend. I have never been kissed and I am 18 years old.
In a world where your relationship status defines who you are in your adolescent years, it is hard to accept being alone. For years, I allowed society to convince me that not having a boyfriend was a representation of my value as a person. I felt unwanted, rejected and quite frankly, like an outcast.
Every year I thought ‘this will be the year that someone finally wants to date me’, and every year I found myself staring at my hopes and dreams as they disappeared behind me. I used to blame myself for being undesirable. I felt unattractive to the opposite sex and was subsequently hypercritical of how I portrayed myself and how I was perceived.
I have been burned, as many have. I have been lied to, mocked and insulted by multiple guys who paraded as trustworthy individuals. I blamed myself for being too trusting and failing to see ‘the signs’.
None of the prior situations were my fault, though I took the blame because my self worth had been demolished by years of feeling inadequate and unwanted. I had convinced myself that I should take a date from anyone who was willing to take me out because I wasn’t getting any other offers.
I am beyond tired of letting it be known that I am interested in someone and being rejected. I am sick of boys who hide behind social media and delight in the never ending chase.
I can honestly say I have no idea why I don’t have more dates. What I do know and wholeheartedly believe is that it is no fault of my own. I have done nothing to ostracize myself from the male race. It is simply a conflict of timing, and I (and everyone else my age) suffer from the impatience of youth.I cannot compare my life to anyone else’s and expect to live mine to the fullest. Allowing a Facebook post to invalidate my feeling of accomplishment is actively denying the opportunity to appreciate what I have. I do not have a cute boyfriend to flaunt; instead I have a loving family, budding career and friends who have my back.
While I may feel lonely on a Friday night spent at home or on a solo trip to the mall; I know that there are many seasons of life that can turn in a second. Naturally, I don’t know what the future has in store, no one does; however I can live prepared for change and thrive in the current circumstances. I resolve to live with an open, yet guarded heart. I will remain receptive to love, but not actively chase a person or ideal. I will never lower my standards in a quest for present companionship because I know it will only devalue my future.
I will wait for someone worthy of my time, attention and devotion. I will wait until my brain is appreciated more than any physical aspect. Waiting doesn’t make me or anyone else a boring prude.
I am not single by default, I am single by choice.
If anyone is in the same boat, remember to hang in there and fill your time with positive hobbies that exemplify who you wish to be. Absorb positivity and take pride in your individuality.
No one is ever truly alone.
Baking is a fun singles hobbies- check out the video here =)